This is it!

I've struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember.  However, in High school when I thought I was fat, I looked really good... Now, I actually am fat! I've been on every diet you can think of.  They are all silly, and I never last longer than a few days.  Within the past few weeks I have decided to REALLY try again. I was doing so good. I lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks with good ole' diet and exercise. Then, my husband started working out of town.  I can't find gym time. I'm definitely not motivated enough to do at home videos. So, I here I am. I am going to lay it all out on the table.  I figure the only way to stay motivated is if I have people watching me.  Then I'll be embarrased if I don't do anything about it.  I've also signed up for a 5K in a couple of months. EEK. So, this is what I look like right now...EEEEW! My beautiful sister in law is about half my size.  I have no choice but to do it.  I need to be healthy not just for me but for my girls.  And, I'm 26!!! I can still look sexy. I owe it to myself.  So this is my commitment to myself and to you! Wish me luck!

If I could turn back time

Since the birth of my second daughter Olive, I have felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. It is probably a combination of many things in my life. However, it always comes back to my relationship with Dakota (my 3 year old). I feel guilty just writing this post and have gone back and forth about whether or not to publish it. Sometimes I think it's best to be transparent. My pregnancy with Dakota was an amazing and joyous time. It was my first and all of the excitement that comes with that was great. But, I didn't know what it meant to be a mother. I didn't understand the kind of love I was going to feel for her. I also didn't know the frustrations, disappointments, and hardships that came with parenting. I was a selfish person. Hearing her cry would annoy me. Not being able to hang out with friends, eat my dinner while it was still hot, and take a shower made me feel defeated almost daily. I gained a lot of weight, had gross stretch marks, and constantly smelled like spit up. I don't want you to misunderstand me. I love Dakota with my whole heart and she was and is so precious to me. She brings joy and laughter to everyone she meets. She is quirky, kind, and has the most tender heart. Any regrets that I have are in my own self and not because of her. I didn't breastfeeding Dakota. I worked part time. I followed a strict feeding/sleeping schedule which included the Cry it out method. These are just a few of the things that bring me guilt. The most overwhelming, however, is that I didn't treasure every moment with her. She is three now and I cant go back in time. I don't feel that Olive is necessarily being treated better than Dakota was. I do feel that in myself my whole mindset has changed. She is probably my last child. When I found out I was pregnant, I prayed for her. I worried over her development. I thanked God every day. Now that she is here I stare at her constantly. I breastfeed her and for the first few months she has slept next to our bed so i can touch her the moment she makes a peep. I kiss her a zillion times a day so I can memorize the way her squishy cheeks feel. I am now a stay at home mom, so I spend my entire day with them. Dakota is getting all of the kisses and loving too, but in my mind, I missed feeling those feelings with her as a newborn because of my own selfishness and cluelessness about motherhood. I know that Dakota has no clue about her "baby life", and is the happiest kiddo around. I just cant help but feel regret for letting the time go by so quickly without cherishing every single moment of it. Moms! Seriously! When someone tells you it goes by fast, they are not kidding. Memorize every look, giggle, and kiss!

Bite sized apple Pies (Oh My)

Ok, I'll start by saying that I definitely don't think I am a super mom.  I would consider myself a jack of all trades. The only problem is that I dabble in so many things and I'm not great at any one.  I am trying though.  I promised that I would share my success AND failures with you, but I don't know if I'm ready for that yet,  I made a new recipe yesterday and wanted so badly for it to be amazing.  Lets just say it was not...it wasn't even really edible in my opinion. My husband ate it, so I guess thats all that matters. I am going to work on it some more and then unleash it for you when it's great! 

This recipe is going to blow your mind though (I hope).  I made it for the first time yesterday and  I made it again today because I couldn't resist.  I am a sucker for sweets...and potatoes...and bread... Ok, really anything that is not good for you is what I want. It's a real bummer.  I've always wished I was one of those ladies that ate a raw carrot and thought it was delicious. I just don't.  One of the reasons I am working on sneaking healthy food into our meals is for myself.

Don't worry, this is not healthy. this is a perfect fall/winter dessert.  It is perfect for parties or just a midnight snack with your honey! 

Bite sized Apple Pies!

I originally found this recipe on pinterest, but I am bad at following directions so they turned out slightly different.  For those of you that are OCD I am going to put measurements.  For those of you that aren't, just go with it.  You can't really go wrong with something like this.

First, you will need two apples. I chose Gala apples because I like their sweet flavor.  You can use whatever kind you like! You will also need a box of refrigerated pie crust.  There will be two in there, which is what the recipe calls for, but I just used one because that will make eight. If you are going to make sixteen just double what you see below and use the second pie crust!

You will also need some staples (you may already have them in your pantry)

Cinnamon

Sugar

Powdered Sugar

Unsalted butter

The icing on this recipe is optional, but is icing ever really optional?  As you can see above I made a good amount of icing and drenched my mini pies!

Preheat your oven to 425

Start by making your cinnamon sugar mixture. In a bowl mix 1/2 C sugar and 1T of cinnamon

Roll out a pie crust on a lightly floured surface. I just put mine on foil. Melt 1T of butter and brush over crust.  Then sprinkle with cinnmon sugar mixture.  Put about 1/4 of it to the side for later.

Cut the pie crust into eight strips. 

Cut and peel your apples. You should have eight slices.  Wrap each slice with a strip of pie crust with the cinnamon sugar mixture against the apple.

Then place on a cookie sheet lined with foil or parchment paper. Melt 1T butter and brush the outside of the mini pies, then sprinkle the tops with the remaining cinnmon sugar mixture.  Place in the oven for 12-15 minutes

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While those are cooking you can work on your (not so optional in my opinion) icing.

In a bowl mix 3/4 C Powdered sugar, 1T milk, and a couple drops of vanilla extract.  You can adjust this according to how runny, thick, or sweet you would like for it to be.  Just dip your finger and have a taste. 

When the bite size pies come out of the oven drizzle or drench them with the icing and enjoy while hot.  I have a feeling that I will be making a lot of these this winter.  They are easy, cheap and amazing!

The four of us!

So, as you may have read in the about me section, I am a wedding photographer. I have a fabulous second shooter(Chelsea) who recently took family pictures for us.  I decided it was time to get some good ones of the four of us.  The most recent picture my mother and mother-in-law have printed is of My husband and I and our 2 dogs.  So...pretty old! The pictures turned out lovely. Dakota is Miss personality, and it shows in these photos. I love it.  It is pretty stressful being on the other side of the camera, espcially when trying to get my girls to behave and look at the camera, but I'm happy with the outcome. I hope you like them!

Hello world wide web.

So, I think a good place to start is for you to meet my family.  You will be seeing a lot of them.  Well, a lot of my girls at least. My husband prefers to stay away from the crafts and dress up. I can't say that I blame him. I on the other hand looooove having little girls.  They are so much fun, and in the crafting world there is definitely more to do for little girls.  I have Dakota who is 3 and Olive who is 9 weeks old. They are probably the cutest little girls in the world. See!

I hope you will enjoy following my journey!